Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
