im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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