you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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