Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
