I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
