I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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