Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
