You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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