I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
