can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
