Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
