suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
