it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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