I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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