i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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