Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
