Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
