I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
