You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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