The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
this hospital has no fireball
Dicks are not precious.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
