I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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