I just cut my nipple shaving
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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