a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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