Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
