Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
