question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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