clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
