P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
whose parrot is this?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
