im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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