yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
