mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
