Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
