is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
