i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
