I feel like abortions should bother me more
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
