how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
