I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
