She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
