tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
