Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
