He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
