i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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