You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
