I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
