My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
