There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
