I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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