Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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