Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
