i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's blow job season.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
