My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
