Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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