"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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