to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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