dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
