We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
