You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
