You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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