he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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