If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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