The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
