Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
