none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
