john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
