The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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