someone owes me an orgasm
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
