I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't trust your balls anymore.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
