Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is not my ceiling
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
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I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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