I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
